pickup_lines 3 months ago

I Built a Time Machine Instead of Getting Over My Ex

My therapist said I needed to stop stalking my ex's social media.

So I invented a time machine instead.

Not to get her back. Just to watch our first date from different angles.

Had to sell my kidney to fund the research.

Worth it. Got to see myself spill spaghetti on my shirt from 17 different perspectives.

The scientists working with me quit when I said we needed to make it play "My Heart Will Go On" every time we jumped timelines.

But they came back when I offered to help them watch their embarrassing moments too.

Now we run a support group called "Time Travelers Anonymous."

(It's just us watching our cringe moments in 4D while crying)

Last week we accidentally created a parallel universe where my ex and I never broke up.

That version of me is happy.

But he doesn't have a time machine.

Or a cool scientist squad.

Or titanium kidney.

Who's the real winner here?

(It's definitely not me, I'm typing this from 2067 because I got lost in the timestream)

Update: Future me is still single.

But he has a robot cat.

And robot cats don't judge you for crying over screenshots from 2024.

Some people move on.

I moved through space-time continuum.

(NASA keeps calling. They want their quantum computer back.

Joke's on them - I used it to build a dating app that matches you with yourself from different dimensions)

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